From Cancer to Connection

The early years

I had the opportunity to know Him from the first time He came to Antwerp in 1979. I used to go for satsang to please my mother. I had no interest in religion and definitely not in Jainism. In my view, it was a selfish religion. I lived to enjoy life with good values and morals. Once, when Bapa visited Antwerp he inquired with my mother, “Where is Amishiben?” as I had not gone for bhakti. He always remembered me! He even gave me Param Krupalu Dev’s chitrapat and told me, “Sachvi ne rakhjo.” His Grace was on me, He persisted, and He never gave up. It is hard to express how much He did and how much He waited for me. The cherry on the cake is that I was stupid enough to boost my ego when Bapa would come to have lunch or dinner with me whenever I would come to Mumbai. I would feel proud that I was so good that Bapa was coming just for me. It was His compassion, love, and grace.

Receiving agna

Once, on a trip back from Nainital, Bapa told me, “Love everyone.” I was so happy, thinking it was such an easy ajna. I thought about it and went back to Him saying, “You told me in such sweet words to do the most difficult job: to put down my ego.” He responded with a smile. He continuously gave me hints to transform myself and although I always enjoyed His presence, I always used Him as a spare wheel rather than my steering wheel.

In August 2007, I had a meeting with Bapa. He asked me, “You have enough of all. You are in search of something else, right?” He then told me, “Don’t let the crowd come between us. Don’t lose connection.” He explained this point with the following example: “If you are following my car and there are no other cars between us, it is very easy to follow. No extra effort is needed. The more traffic in between, the more effort will be needed. And if you miss the green light and are stuck at the red signal, lots of effort will be needed. Do not let that happen. Stay connected.” He added, “Don’t be unhappy.” He looked at me, made a sweet face and said, “It is difficult so I give you maximum seven minutes to be unhappy at any time. Then slap yourself and come up again.”

The meeting was over and my questions began. What does all that mean? What do I have to do? I left Mumbai and got back into Antwerp’s routine but the meeting constantly replayed in my mind, as if it was trying to tell me something. I started to do bhakti, listen to satsangs regularly and understand the bodh that Bapa was transmitting through them. I started to question myself and most amazingly, I started to love Jainism. Bapa showed that religion is not only about ‘do’s and don’ts’, kriya and niyam. All of it is a part of religion, but the essence is to live life with awareness, love and the rest will follow. I could see my life transforming and the results were immediate. I felt lighter and happier. Jainism no longer seemed selfish; it had always been about love.

Meeting my bestfriend

AUGUST 2008: Cancer was declared. I called Bapa. The first thing He asked me, “Are you positive?” “Yes Bapa,” I replied. “Are you smiling?” “Yes Bapa.” Encouragingly, He added, “This will be your best Paryushan.”

It all started making sense. He had prepared me for a year with satsangs, bhakti and spirituality to embrace cancer, chemotherapy and the pain. Now, it was time to put Bapa’s bodh into practice: not blaming karma, they are just a medium, go through this experience with a smile and be positive. Around this time, Bapa was giving pravachans on Saint Gangasati’s bhajans. With His blessings, I understood that I have to do my work very fast, like lightning and see the unseen, like the thread of a necklace. Bapa’s karuna was so abundant that He made sure I had enough prasad: He had planned it all.

In 2009, with Bhagavad Gita, I understood that if I have Him on my side, I could overcome anything. I just have to do my work without any expectations.

JUNE 17, 2009: The most awaited day. Bapa came in person to see me. I was overjoyed with tears. This time I understood that, this was only His Grace, His compassion, His Love. He personally gave me a prescription, just as doctors do. But this one was ‘the’ prescription of spirituality. Months passed by from being out of cancer and I was blessed to go to Dharampur for the Poornahuti Mahotsav of Bhagavad Gita and the Palitana yatra. Bapa was taking me everywhere, making my journey smooth and easy. He loves me so much that from 2010, He started to send miraculous vitamins twice a day, in the form of soothing Sadguru Whispers. It might just be an SMS, but for me they are the strongest vitamins and antidotes I need to fight against my disillusionment, ego, concepts and weaknesses.